- NONI-

Nothing in particular.

2012-01-31T09:53:00.000+08:00

Its 9.30 am. I am still at home sbb takde appointment pagi ni. Duduk mengadap balkoni and its raining. Aduiii cuaca yang membuatkan best gila kalau boleh tidur. But noooooo....tak boleh. Goal nak kena kejar this mth. Past two months sale tak cantik lansung.

I have just turned 41 last friday. Alhamdulillah. Allah panjangkan usia aku setakat hari ni. And this year birthday was totally different. Last year aku menangis at the stroke of midnite for some stupid reason. This year I cried still but my tears were for everything that Allah gave me. Be it rezeki, nikmat, ujian, kesemuanyalah. I thank Allah for bringing me closer to my parents, my kids and my friends. I thank Allah for my babe who is always 2 steps behind me. I thank Allah for giving me the strength to be on my own, to pursue my dreams. I maybe alone striving, but I know Allah will always, always be with me.

Enough rambling..time to work.

Dijentik Halus

2012-01-24T10:14:00.001+08:00

Past few days, entah kenapa hati ni rasa tak tenang sangat. I dont know why and can't seem to put my finger on anything. I try to relax, try not to think about it but I still can't put my mind at rest.

Good thing the kids are with me this week. That takes my mind off the problem a bit. Aku solat and istighfar but itu pun tak membuatkan aku tenang. Then after one solat maghrib, aku baca Yassin, berserah pada Allah and prayed hard for Him to give me a bit of tranquility. After that, barulah hati ni lega walau tak sepenuhnya.

I have to admit, part of the reason yang aku jadi bengong sekejap ni is because of the mess I was in ( of which i wrote earlier in my blog). But most of all, aku tahu jugak ketidaktenangan hati ni merupakan ujian dari Allah.

Ada perkara yang membuatkan aku leka dan lalai. Allah jentik sikit secara halus to remind me not stray away from being a good muslimah. I realized that now. Tenangnya hati ialah satu nikmat dari Allah yang tak terhingga. When he took that away from me, apa pun yang aku buat semua tak betul.

Rasulullah bersabda, “TIDAK SUATUPUN YANG MENIMPA SEORANG MUKMIN, BAIK BERUPA KEPAYAHAN, SAKIT, SEDIH, SUSAH DAN PERASAAN MURUNG, BAHKAN DURI YANG MENGENAI DIRINYA, KECUALI ALLAH AKAN MELEBUR KESALAHAN-KESALAHANNYA LANTARAN KESUSAHAN-KESUSAHAN TERSEBUT.” (HR Bukhari dan Muslim)

No...I am not trying to be an ustazah but I am just reminding myself. Amat rugi kalau kita ni diberi peringataan tapi kita masih tak sedar.

That one tiny problem.

2012-01-19T12:40:00.000+08:00

Its hard to describe the feelings that I am experiencing right now. Sedih, marah, ignorance, dont care..all jumble up in one space. Ada perkara yang tak dapat dielakkan happened and I know I am the guilty party. Yes, I am guilty of my outburst, but I am not guilty of the incidents which entailed to the outburst.

Every now and then I have tried to accommodate and tolerate other people. And fair enough I receive the same treatment from other people as well. I appreciate that and always, always try to remember not to repeat the same mistake. But in any human relationship, tak kira la frienship ke, love relationship ke or even parents-children relationship, both parties have to meet halfway through. Then only it becomes a win-win situation.

We fight, we argue and we learn something from it. We discover the likeable traits of the other party and the not-so-likeable too. Then after that, we adjust accordingly so that both parties can be happy and satisfied.

But in order to achieve to that peak, one cannot lose oneself. At least that is what I think. I am a person with brain, and with that I think. I may have my own opinion which might be different from other people. I may stand by it, or i may change that opinion. I may suppress some opinion in order not to offend my listener.

And pasal differences in opinion ni lah, the volcano erupted. I know it was wrong of me and wish that I can undo that. But it happened. I deeply regretted what I did. I was not trying to show that I am better or hard-headed. I was just angry that I can't have my say. I was angry sebab, its just an impartial views from me. I was not even opposing to anything. But I was not being heard. The whole picture painted seems to focus on my outburst, my lack of patience, my hard headed attitude.

I have done whatever i could to convince my beloved friend how sorry I was. But if that last picture was the one that my friend wants to remember of me, then I don't know what else to say.

My keeping silence is not an act of defiance. I am not trying to prove anything either. I am just limiting the risk of further arguments and heart aches, that's all.

Goal board (part 2)

2012-01-15T18:03:00.000+08:00

TARRAAAAAAA!!!!! inilah hasilnye. My goal board for 2012. Okayla tu walau tak secanggih goal board orang lain. Yang paling penting, it vibrates me everytime I look it. Simple and senang nak ingat with all the pictures.

A motivator once said that people are a picture person. For example, when we say think of an elephant. What will be the thing that sprung to the mind..gambar gajah or the word gajah? Mesti gambar kan. So, that is why goal board banyak pictures rather than words. Pictures after all tell a thousand words. Chewah!

Yesterday, at QR winner agency, we had our first Goal Setting Seminar. Maybe tak sevibrate or sehebat the Goal Seminar I attended last year at Cyberview Lodge under Elly's agency, but it served its purpose. Simple but meaningful. It was attended by all of us under Rohani's team. We are small but one day we will grow. I am determine to leverage on QR winner agency and grow my own group. Biarpun aku susah sekarang, I will emerge the best finally. I want to be like my upline Rohani Abd Aziz.

This is my friend dari zaman A Level, Aminvestment Bank and now my Mentor and upline, my Group Agency Manager, the owner of QR Winner Agency - Rohani Abd Aziz.

My kids are not with me this week. Miss them so much. But I have the long weekend next week with them. Hmmmm mana nak gi ek? Pangkor maybe...hehehheheh. "wink" "wink".

Goal board (part 1).

2012-01-08T21:30:00.001+08:00

Its sunday nite and my kids have gone back to their house since noon. So duduklah sorang2 kat rumah doing some stuff here and there. This week, masa dgn Adam and Nureen tak lama sebab they both have started tuition on saturdays and sundays. Kids nowadays..kesian betul dgn academic pressure. If tak hantar tuition takut they dont catch up with the syllabus.

Now, sambil tengok TV, I am setting my goals for 2012. I need to come up with a goal board. Seseungguhnya, aku ni bukan la seorang yang creative. Nak kena google internet to get some ideas. Padahal eversince becoming unit trust agent, every year kena buat goal board.

Dulu, I had a book which I bought masa memula join Public Mutual. I like the wordings on the book cover.

My first entry was written on 18th July 2008. I was still with AmInvestment Bank masa tu. Tampal gambar la, wrote motivational quotes etc..etc. Most importantly, I wrote my goals right from tahun 2009 sampai 2010. Some of it I achieved, most of them, not just yet.

2011 - tak tulis apa-apa sebab banyak sangat tragedi menangis.

So for 2012, nak kena buat balik. Actually, its a good feeling when you achieved the goals that you wrote years ago. Masa tulis dulu, cam percaya tak percaya jek you boleh achieve. But when u actually did, memanglah rasa best.

What the mind can concieve, the mind can achieve - Napoleon Bonaparte (i think)

I haven't done anything much with the goal board. Adalah gunting sikit-sikit some wordings to paste nanti.

Well now ni, perut sangat lapar. Masterchef is on air, membuat aku makin lapar. I am penning off. Will update on the outcome of my goal board.

First weekend in 2012.

2012-01-02T22:07:00.000+08:00

Its the first weekend in 2012.

Saturday the 31st december.
After sending my maid to her aunt's house ( its her weekend off), I drove to Amcorp Mall PJ. I didn't know where to go but since kat situ ada flea market so aku pegi je la.

Adam wants to start collecting stamps and I know there is a shop at Amcorp which sells used, old stamps. Later, jalan-jalan kat kedai buku, browsed some books. Ingat nak beli buku but I still have a few yang tak habis baca lagi so biar dulu la. Passed by a DVD shop, and bought a horror movie. Cerita hantu-lompat-cina which I watched years ago when I was still schooling. 8 movies in one DVD. All three of us had fun watching the movies. Comedy and horror in one go.

Malam tahun baru, we all just tidur infront of the tv, oblivious of the big hoopla people have around the world celebrating the coming of a new year.

Jan 1st, 2012 - Sunday.

The weather was good and pleasant. After breakfast, I decided to go to FRIM (forest research institute of malaysia). Thought that i would introduce my kids to the nature this time. Kalau tidak asik gi shopping mall je. Ye laaa, mana lagi nak gi kat KL ni.

Ingat nak try the canopy walkaway but it was closed. They didn't say this in their website pun.

So instead,we drove right up to the picnic area at a river called Sungai Kroh. I didn't plan for this thus we didn't have any extra clothing whatsoever. We folded our jeans and thought that we could just dip in the cold water a bit. Or actually itulah my instruction.

But after a while...they are soaked right up to the neck. I let them be. Kalau dulu, susahlah aku nak allow such thing. But now, I am a bit more relax on the rules. Biarla they have fun. Apa sangat la basah sikit tu. Itu pun Adam asked me over and over again, "betul ke ni Mama..boleh rendam badan sekali?" I said yes, with a smile. And they did have fun.

I was just content with having my feet in the cold water.

After 2 hours, its time to go. Adam and nureen siap offer to jemur themselves kat kawasan panas to dry up. I said tak yah la. I have telekung in my car to cover them up sekejap until we reached home. Bukannye jauh pun. How thoughtful my kids were. I promised them, I will bring them again there for a real picnic.

After the wet section, thought of visiting other so-called attractions at FRIM but sadly semua pun tutup. Sungguh tak visitor-friendly.

The rest of the day and the day after was spent lazing around at home. Continued with the chinese horror movie, munching on junk food, playing games, tidur depan tv etc.

Another week is here, the kids are going back to school, and I have to work again as usual.

Its all in a day's work.

2011-12-29T19:59:00.000+08:00

Ramai orang ingat my job as a unit trust consultant (UTC) ni senang. Firstly I have a lot of free time in my hand. Yes its true being a freelance agent I can determine when I nak kerja. Agak-agak malas or takde mood I can always say I tak nak keje la hari ni. Like today, after satu appointment in the morning, akibat takde appt lain, I went for my facial. Or at times bila ada emergency you tak payah bersusah payah mintak cuti or mintak someone relief your work.

But u can't afford to do that all the time right? Tak kerja, takde sale, takde la commission. So kena la jugak bangun pagi, drive to meet client. Actually lagi penat sebab, the appointments bukan semua at one place. You have to drive,park the car, jalan to the client's office or wherever we decide to meet. Itu tak kira nak go through the traffic jam or kalau sesat masa carik client's office. Kalau takde appointment paksa la jugak diri drive to office. Sekurang-kurangnya, tengok orang lain kerja u will start to do something as well like make phone calls.

Honestly, most of the time kalau takde appointment, my mind tak boleh rest. It will be racing to figure out where to get clients. Cam tadi, thought that I can relax masa facial tapi still in my mind I dok terfikir pasal sale. The chinese lady yang massage my face tu, mesti boleh tgk the frown on my forehead.

Second myth about being a UTC is that, once dah dapat investment from the client, my job is done. But that is not the case because u have the responsibility to maximise your client's investment. U must make sure u invest in the right fund, update them as and when accordingly. Make sure u have the knowledge. Pendek citer service them well. Then only they will trust u and refer u to another friend. This servicing ni may take time, 3 to 5 years sebab unit trust is a medium to long term. Unless u have tried buat semua tu, tapi client u still hampeh, tak nak communicate, tak nak dengar advise, then u can rest your case.

Third thing is, orang ingat UTC ni banyak duit or kerja yang senang dapat duit. The truth is you have to work hard. Takde jalan mudah nak jadik kaya beb. Tanya la mana-mana UTC yang dah berjaya. They started with zero base but with hardwork they are where they are now. Unless la kalau u anak somebody then u have high net client. Then senang la kot dapat ikan jerung. But kalau dah anak somebody, takkan pulak nak kerja UTC ek. Baiklah bukak bisnes sendiri or jaga bisnes parents...kan?

And with this wrong perceptionlah ada jugak client yang mintak commission agent. Please laaaa. As UTC, we only have our commission to live on. We don't have medical benefit, socso or perkeso, employer's epf contribution etc. Nanti bila dah dapat profit from the investment, client will get 12 to 15% per annum. Banyak tak as compared to 2% commission yang kita orang dapat.?

But with all said above I still love my work. As much as I love my work at the bank before. Both have different challenges and excitement. Being a UTC, I gain more confidence, I am more independent, I discover my other strengths in me and so many more.

So for those people yang nak jadi unit trust agent, please have the right set of mind. Its not all-bed-of-roses job. But with all the positive attitudes, trust me, u can live a life that u dream of. Goyang kaki and lots of money......after maybe 5 to 6 years. InsyaAllah.

My BFF from Miri.

2011-12-27T22:47:00.000+08:00

Aku dah lama gila tak jumpa my bff Nin. Somehow or rather we have become drifted apart. The fact that now she is living in Miri and sbb baru dpt baby baru, plus she is busy handling the maid, we hardly got in touch with one another.

Last friday, we managed to find time to meet up. I thought that after dah lama tak jumpa and borak, we might have problem bercerita like before. But that was not the case. We talked, laughed and cried together cam dulu-dulu jugak.

Nin tak banyak berubah. Still kurus like dulu. And she is complaining abt her berat naik from 40kg to 44 kg after gave birth to Muhammad ( her new son). Aku tak nampak kat mana pun that 4 kg went to. Yup...your breast la kot, Nin.

Anyway, after 4 hours, we had to part ways. I promised her that I will visit her in Miri next year. She was very excited abt the rest of her holidays sbb nak shopping.

Unfortunately, the plan had to be cancelled. Humaira, her eldest daugher, is now in Pantai Medical Bangsar. The last entry that I read from Azzad's FB (nin"s hubby) was that Humaira is now in ICU. I wanted to visit her today but I know she is not up to seeing people now.

As at the entry I am writing now, this is what Nin wrote in her FB.

Thank you friends and family for the well wishes and doa. We truly appreciate the kind gestures. Humaira is fighting for her life in ICU. As a mother, seeing her like that breaks my heart. Doctors are tending to her round the clock and we truly hope she will pull through this ordeal, insyaAllah. In the meantime, we would appreciate some understanding from all of you by according us some space and privacy in this difficult time. We may not answer your calls and smses but please know that we appreciate the thoughts and the numerous smses that came in, giving us encouragement and support. Again, please continue to pray for our little girl who has brought so much joy and meaning to our lives. Thank you.

Sedih aku baca entry ni. We talked abt Humaira a lot last Friday. I pray to Allah for your daughter's speedy recovery dear.

Nin and Azad with Humaira and Umar.

Humaira.

PS: nin...aku pinjam gambar from ur FB.

Around the corner of 2012.

2011-12-27T22:15:00.000+08:00

Its nearing the end of 2011. I haven't updated my blog since March 2011. Why? takde masa pun ye, takde mood mostly. 2011 is full with drama. I am now a new person, a single woman with new goals, with new perspective in life. At first I wanted to delete my earlier post but decided not to. Sebabnya...whatever happened has happened and its part of my life. Its my history. No matter how sad and bad it was, its part of me. Yang telah ditentukan oleh Allah. That one person that came and shared my life for 12 years was apart of me. But now he is no longer there. I am destined by Allah to be without a partner until I dont know when.

No one wants a broken marriage. Neither did I. But I always believe that things happened for a reason. Its just another opportunity that Allah has in stored for me to have a better life. And not just for me but also for my ex and my kids..insyaAllah.

My life is blissful now. Not entirely happy but blissful. I am ever thankful to Allah for this. He took someone and something away from me. But what he gives me now is so much more. Something intangible, a feeling that only I know.

So, I welcome 2012 with a new hope. I hope and wish that life will be more successful. I want to be happy. Enough crying already.

Besides the setback in 2011, I managed to qualify to Los Angeles. Wooohooooo. InsyaAllah will be going in May 2012. Tak sabar tu. But in the meantime kena focus dulu on my sales.

So bye-bye 2011...welcome 2012. :)

Eyes wide awake.

2011-03-19T02:25:00.000+08:00

Thank u so much for the coffee and now I can't sleep. Plus, I have so much things going through in my mind right now. About people, about work, about money, about future..everything la. Semua benda pun aku nak pikir. Why can't I just relax and let things go smoothly, let the nature takes its course. Apa ntah yang aku risau sangat ek?? But its not risau really, is just thinking.

This is one thing that I hate about myself..banyak sangat berpikir. My mind is like going through a maze. I enter it and I don't know where to exit. I started thinking about something and I cant stop thinking about it. And in the course of letting myself out of the maze i got even more entangled. Stupid isn't it?

I got a new book from hubby. Thank u Ayang. Its a John Grisham book entitled "The Confession". I am not much of a JG fan but since Sidney Sheldon and Agatha Christie are not around anymore so this will do. I even borrowed one from a friend, "The Runaway Jury". Now, when will I find the time to read?

There was once I got a birthday present from hubby. It was an Agatha Christie's, "Hickory Dickory Dock". Is not the story that makes this book special but the book itself. The paper that is being used, bound by the hardcover. It is such a nice feeling just holding the book, the pages and smelling the paper, while I was reading it. AC has always been my favourite. I have read her since schooldays. She can think of 1001 ways to kill people. Now..wasn't she a brilliant writer.?

Somehow, I cannot make myself read buku cerita melayu. Bukan la sebab aku ni berlagak sangat but i find that novels written by malay writer tak interesting. Balik-balik cerita pasal cinta. Why can't we have Malay writers who can writes intelligent stuff.? Something that based on some knowledge or facts and being woven into a story. Maybe adalah kot but aku yang tak tahu.

I like being able to finish reading a story book and end up having one piece of fact that I never knew before. Its like learning with pleasure. If only my Biology was written in Agatha Christie's manner, I would have passed my A Level's with flying colors. And maybe, I am now a microbiologist in my lab coat instead of a UT agent in heels. Tapi kalau dah jadi biologist and keje tengok slide bawah microscope, tak boleh la pakai coloured lense.

But whatever it is, reading is still a very good habit. It is something that we should instill in our kids. Even now, with flexi time job, I still feel I do not read enough. Especially on serious stuff like the motivational books. Otak ni dah berkarat sangat and its time to work the 90% of the grey cells.

Woman: what do they want, really?

2011-03-03T08:23:00.003+08:00

Woman is a confused creature. I am not saying all but most. I am one of them. Its like "i want it but i dont want it". Its hard to explain to the male species but that's who we are. Its sort of confusing emotion.

I had a talk with the other half, telling him what I wanted and what we are missing from our lives. And yes he got the picture and tries to mend things between us. But when he does, I feel like his overdoing it. Aku rasa rimas bila he asked small trivial questions, when he hovers around me when I am watching tv, when i am sleeping on the sofa or when I am reading.

Poor hubby. I know i am being such a jerk and I am really, really sorry. I guess maybe its me, my ownself who are so used to being on my own. But trust me, I tried to change, to fill up to the "holes" in our marriage but like the saying goes..."old habit dies hard." Please just bear with me my dear.

Something to keep me going.

2011-02-28T08:35:00.002+08:00

Dare To Dream

Let nothing hold you back from
exploring your wildest fantasies,
wishes, and aspirations.
Don't be afraid to dream big
and to follow your dreams
wherever they may lead you.
Open your eyes to their beauty;
open your mind to their magic;
open your heart to their possibilities.

Dare to dream.
Whether they are in color
or in black and white,
whether they are big or small,
easily attainable or almost impossible,
look to your dreams,
and make them become reality.
Wishes and hopes are nothing
until you take the first step
towards making them something!

Dare to dream,
Because only by dreaming,
will you ever discover
who you are, what you want,
and what you can do.
Don't be afraid to take risks,
to become involved,
to make commitment.
Do whatever it takes to make
your dreams come true.
Always believe in miracles,
and always believe in you!

~ Julie Anne Ford ~

Very mushy on Monday morning, aren't I?

A hot and boring day.

2011-02-27T17:29:00.002+08:00

The other day I wrote something in my blog but i decided to delete it sebab rasa cam ntah hapa-hapa yang aku meraban. Nin, my avid follower (the one and only..hikhikhik) noticed that and asked me why. Then I realised that I tend to update my blog bila aku tengah tension or serabut otak. Why can't I write something when i am happy? Maybe masa aku happy I am busy doing something else and blogging tak masuk dalam gambar (translate that literally Nin). Kekadang blog ni is a place for me to vent my anger, sadness and frustration. So kena change the concept now. Write whatever that crosses my mind.

Today is Sunday and its a hot day. The mood is BORING. Can't wait for tomorrow to come so that I can start planning again for the week. Program kat TV pun cam hampeh. This coming Friday we are going to Vietnam for a 3 day shopping holiday . We stands for Me and Hubby. Earlier when I planned abt this trip I was very excited but now when the days are just around the corner rasa cam tak excited pulak. Reason....aku saja yang tahu. But still I welcome the short break from my daily routine.

NZ appeal finally went through and it was rejected. Tak apala. I sold my Beijing ticket and decided to head for the Phuket beach instead. Looking forward to the clear blue sea water and ultimate relaxation at the spa. Care to join me..babe? Now I am focusing on new target and Alhamdulilah I am on track, but need to buck up more. Toksah memain lagi Noni...FOCUS.

Penning off for the day but before that...Noni, Dream the impossible dreams..be dare to take the plunge, only then you don't have to wonder on what-ifs.

my day...

2011-01-27T00:04:00.005+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NONI !!!!. Even though officially you were not born yet 40 years ago..not until 6.12 am. This is suppose to be one joyous occasion but somehow i am all ALONE...sulking to my own feelings at the stroke of midnite. Sad..very, very sad. Is just another passing time and day for someone. The wish never came. Not at the moment i wanted and expected it. I guess i know now..time does erases your special place in someone's heart. Thank you to my friends who made me smile.

This is really not what i wanted to write on my birthday but who cares....it is after all my blog.

New Year is here.

2011-01-13T22:22:00.001+08:00

Happy new year to myself. Masuk tahun baru je, aku dah sakit. Well it started on the last week of December, masa gi Damai Lumut. Its a normal cough for most people but for me, memang susah le nak baik. I know i have to take Prednisolone, the steroid based pills for allergy but i tried not to because of the side effect. Aku makan ubat batuk biasa dgn antibiotik apa bagai, madu la, jus kismis la, kicap with limau la, minum air putih bergelen...semua tak jalan.

Sampai the 3rd week, I got my asthma attack (not the wheezing one but still mengah) then kena jugak le ambik prednisolone tu. Plus a new medicine that the doctor gave me..dextro something. Tak ingat dah nama dia. Esok pagi tu the cough becomes lesser. And alhamdulilah after a few days, batuk dah hilang.

TETAPI...sakit lain pulak yang datang. Masa 3 minggu aku batuk tak sudah tu, I must have coughed too hard that I strained my muscle at the rib cage..right behind my breast. It was a on-and-off pain at first and I ignored it but after a week, it gets worst. So tadi, my hubby insisted that I go to Tawakal Hospital to get it checked. Amik xtray, sebab takut should I fractured my ribs but luckily bukan. The doctor said it is just a muscle strain. Bagi painkiller and some ointment to rub. Right now aku still rasa sakit. Penatnyeeeee...

On the 16.01.2011 (Sunday) United Young Millionaire ie the Agency had a goal setting seminar at Cyberview Lodge. It was a very good one and very aspiring. Abis je the seminar cam tak sabar nak start kerja. Kalau boleh lepas tu jugak nak carik client. :). Sewel.

This year's incentive trips are Guanzhao and Tokyo and the challenge trip is LA. Semangat gila nak qualify LA secepat mungkin this year. Plus after the Goal setting tu, I have already set my mind to the things that I want to achieve this year.

On top of my goals...I do have other dreams yang aku simpan dalam hati. Mungkin dapat, mungkin tak. And no matter how impossible the dreams are, I will keep on hoping that one day it will come true, with the blessing from Allah of course. Dreams are free and as long as it is not angan-angan kosong yang menyebabkan aku lalai, I will keep on dreaming. Visualization is daydreaming with purpose. So I am daydreaming with purpose.

"What the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve" - Napoleon Hill.

Next week, the 27th of January is my birthday. Welcome to a new decade, Noni. Mixed feelings tu still ada tapi nak buat camne, bukan nye boleh putar masa and jadi muda balik. So I am going to enter this new age, gracefully and in style. You are still a babe, babe. "wink..wink".

My final effort.

2010-12-21T20:56:00.003+08:00

This week is really a crucial week for me. I try everything I can to fill up the NZ shortfall. Tuhan jek yang tau betapa penatnye aku,...mentally and physically. Ada time-timenye I just want to drop everything and say..lantak laaaa kalau dah payah sangat. But i know if i were to do that aku akan rasa menyesal later. So for the next 3 days i will still be working, korek je la mana yang ada to satisfy myself. Then after that I can say,,,yes I have done my best to the very last day. Selebihnya aku berserah pada Allah. And also for the next 3 days, aku doa pada Allah that, every single urusan aku akan dipermudahkan olehNya. Amin.

I am raining inside.

2010-12-11T07:59:00.002+08:00

I just wrote a post promising myself to stay calm at all times. Looks as though I broke my promise. I have abt a week before my NZ deadline. And yesterday i had an emotional breakdown. I could not help it. I didn't want to cry but my tears just came pouring out. At that time i wanted someone just to hold me and tell me that i will be okay but as it is, I was alone.

To make matters worse, i have a sore throat..ie i can't talk which translates to no calls, no presentation. I woke up feeling like the world just collapsed around me. I want to achieve this goal so badly and I wish the time would just slow down for me.

I cant stop crying from the time I opened my eyes. I never felt so helpless and downright sad. People around me would say..tak pe la noni dah takde rezeki. But i have worked so hard for this and I feel I deserve it. Many, many times i wished i didn't go for the knee ops.

I am still crying. I don't know why i can't stay calm this time. I just can't. I don't know what Allah has in store for me. I don't seem to understand His plan.

I don't want to give up but at the same time i can't find the way out. I hope my sore throat will be better by Monday. Ya Allah please help me.

Its raining...come and stay under my Umbrella.

2010-11-25T15:48:00.003+08:00

I am at the office. Finishing some documents for submission and the rest of the time making sense of what I am doing. Try making calls for appointment but the weather doesn't permit me to stay focus. Its raining outside and I am freezing inside this office. My eyes are begging me to let them close for awhile and I have been yawning countless times.

All i need right now is a cup of coffee and a company of a dear friend. But as it is, i am stuck right here. Tomorrow I do have appointment in Puchong and I hope i don't get lost again. Must get the GPS thingy to help me find my ways next time.

Weekend is coming. There are times when I look forward to it but there are times i dread it so much. Because of the apprehension of reaching my goal. This weekend I am going to Port Dickson. Boring sungguh balik-balik gi PD. But i am going with my siblings and that should be fun. Adik nak belanja we all makan seafood and angah would definitely have the ketam bakar.

My mind has frozen along with other parts of me. Alasan utk tidak bekerja. But at least today i have reached my daily target. Alhamdulilah. Would definitely have that cup of coffee after this. .....YAWNNNNNNN.....

Emotional freak.

2010-11-25T03:21:00.004+08:00

I am awake..fully awake at 2.47 am. Tensionnye la bila dah terjaga pas tu tak leh lelap balik. Dah le ada new appointment pagi ni. Last 3 days ni, my mind is so focus in getting my NZ goal sampai aku tak lalu nak makan and tak lena tidur. Penat camne pun, still tak boleh nak fully rest. One good news is that berat has gone down below 50 kg...yeayyyyyy. Sangat sukaaaaaa.

Of late pun I have been very emotional. Perempuan being perempuan. I blame it on the PMS though. Last 2 weeks i exploded over something yang trivial. I am not always like that tapi hari tu aku bukan just marah, but really mengamuk. Ada la benda kecik-kecik yang aku simpan and simpan and simpan dalam hati, tetiba hari tu I vent it out. And after that I cried and felt better. Is not something that i like to do but at times kena jugak buat. So sapa yang berkenaan tu, memang la i think that person deserved it. Sapa suruh take things for granted.

Honestly, I don't like having emotional outburst. Ianya sangat memenatkan and at times it doesn't make me feel better pun. Selalunya aku rasa, apsal bodoh sangat gi nangis or marah or membebel whatsover. Rileks je la. How i wish is that simple ek.

When ada something that stirs me, I have ways to let go of the steam. Not necessarily in this order but the list includes these:-

# Makan- I would normally look for banana split. I find satisfaction in eating this one particular ice cream sebab aku suka makan pisang. Kalau tak this one, aku gi makan sorang2 at expensive restaurant. Expensive to my standard means like Dome, or English tea at Mandarin Oriental. Or pisang goreng, 5 ketul, 7 ringgit @ Aseana. Bukan la KFC. And I must have something sweet.

# I take a piece of paper, scribbled segala benda yang aku tak puas hati tu, pas tu aku koyakkan and buang.

# Pegi tengok wayang sorang-sorang.

# Get a body massage or facial.

# I jog or exercise (mesti kena ada mp3) or go for aerobic class.

# Listen to songs and i dance. Tak kira la lagu apa pun.

# I cry myself to sleep. Kesian bantal aku.

But by far, the most effective way to let go of my anger and frustration is, ambik wuduk, solat and recite the Quran. Where human fails to understand me, Allah is always there to listen.

I have to say, bila dah tua camni, I try to stay calm at all times. It such a waste really to spend your life being angry or having negative emotions. It doesn't only affects you but also the people around you. So when I wake up in the morning, I choose to be happy. I know that when I smile and laugh, the whole universe would smile and laugh with me. And I know that the people around me would love me more when I am smiling.

So Noni sayang..be cool at all times. Smile more and show off that cute dimple of yours eventhough ada orang yang tak nampak. Hmmmmm.

My wish...

2010-11-22T22:15:00.003+08:00

I had in my earlier post said that I wish could turn back time. And that is exactly what i want right now. Throughout every day of my life I face many incidences, options, challenges..some make me smile and some just make me cry my heart out.
I respond to these incidences accordingly, hoping that I make the right decisions, wishing that i make the right choice.

I am not a person who can keep problems to myself. I need a friend to share my grievances with... or just share a story with. And i did in this one instance. But, right now i wish i didn't. It seems that everything now just backfires. I try to explain in every way i can, try to make my friend understand that whatever that i did, it was a respond to that situation at that point of time. But the more I explained, the more entangle it became. Until i don't know what else to do.

I can't neither turn back time, nor can I take back my story that i shared. So i guess, the next best thing is to leave it as it is.

God I am tired. I feel very unsettled. I feel like crying on my pillow tonite. That is exactly what i am going to do.

That big FOUR ZERO.

2010-11-21T12:31:00.003+08:00

2010 is nearing to the end. When comes Jan 2011 I will be 40. That big 40. I am embracing this coming of new age with mixed feelings. I can't deny the fact that I am scared. Takut apa?? Ntah aku pun tak tau. Somehow that is a daunting figure and i feel so afraid of facing it.

At times aku rasa...hey babe is just a number. U just go on being u and everything else would be fine. Is it that simple? Aku tengok orang lain rilek jek.

Kekadang, ada jugak le aku terfikir..dah nak masuk 40 ni, should I change the way i dress? or talk? But at the same time, I can't be another person..can I?

Yes I am afraid of turning 40. Its not something that I want to shout about and tell the whole world. But when I sit back and think...apa le yang aku nak risau sangat.

Yes..i missed out banyak benda in past life but why should I waste my time reflecting on the past. Ambik all the good memories, learn and be wiser from the mistakes that I did.

My life now is calmer, interesting and lively. I have met many people and some have become my good friends. I have never felt radiant and more beautiful. Even my husband said so. I think my current style is more trendy and daring then it was when i was younger.

I have more time to read and watch movie, spend lunch time and tea with good friends, enjoying a stroll with hubby and etc..etc.

But of course, being 40, banyak jugak la benda nak kena upgrade. Hubungan aku dengan Allah, especially. Dalam pada aku ni radiant, tak nak la jugak jadi orang tua yang tak sedar diri. Banyak amalan nak kena add on, muhasabah diri at all times.

I must be more concern of my health. Makan nak kena jaga, exercise more, less stress, laugh more, sleep well and banyak benda lagi la.

So do I feel any better by writing this in my blog? Tak jugak. But at least, whenever I read this, I will be reminding myself that I shouldn't worry too much. Hey..like they always say..life begins at 40.

Smile noni because u do have a great smile...(chuckle.

Helpppppp!!! I can't sleep.

2010-11-21T10:00:00.003+08:00

For the past one month, I dont know why, aku susah betul nak tidur lena. I might be very sleepy around 11 am, I slept then I woke up about 1 or 2 am. Lepas tu tak leh nak tidur balik. Terkebil-kebil la biji mata ni dalam gelap. And when I can't sleep my mind starts thinking, berangan ntah apa-apa. That makes it harder to fall asleep again.

Then about 4 or sometimes 5 am baru le boleh lena balik. By 6.00 dah terjaga for subuh prayer. Lucky thing I don't feel so groggy in the morning. As long as I have my cup of coffee, I am up and about to start my day. Cumanya throughout the day, I must take coffee again to keep me fresh.

Malam semalam pun cam tu jugak. I am not mentally tired or anything but it does bug me when this thing becomes a routine. I even exercised yesterday with the hope that I will feel tired and dozes off like a log. But that wasn't the case. I slept abt 12 am..and I think it was abt an hour or so before aku terjaga balik. Sewel betul rasa.

I wish could just grab my car keys and drive off somewhere...but mana le aku nak pegi pepagi buta tu. Nak jumpa besfren...besfren pun jauh. So I lay awake,listening to my MP3.Dapat tidur sat, but every now and then, aku still terjaga.

I am not on medication, I don't drink coffee after 7 pm, I am not stress or depress..so what is the problem really? Is it my age? Does being 40 have anything to do with this? God I feel so old.

These are some ideas to get a good night sleep (from the net);-

* Follow a regular sleep schedule.(done)

* Develop a bedtime routine. Take time to relax before bedtime each night. Some people watch television, read a book, listen to soothing music, or soak in a warm bath. (done)

* Keep your bedroom dark, not too hot or too cold, and as quiet as possible. (done)

* Have a comfortable mattress, a pillow you like (done..or nak kena tukar pillow with duck feather kot).

* Exercise at regular times each day but not within 3 hours of your bedtime. (will have to...but with my knee??)

* Make an effort to get outside in the sunlight each day.(hmmm..nanti kulit sunburn)

* Be careful about when and how much you eat. Large meals close to bedtime may keep you awake, but a light snack in the evening can help you get a good night’s sleep.(done)

* Stay away from caffeine late in the day. Caffeine (found in coffee, tea, soda, and hot chocolate) can keep you awake.(done - i didnt know hot choc has caffeine)

* Drink fewer beverages in the evening. Waking up to go to the bathroom and turning on a bright light break up your sleep. ( hmmm will try..)

* Use your bedroom only for sleeping. After turning off the light, give yourself about 20 minutes to fall asleep. If you’re still awake and not drowsy, get out of bed. When you feel sleepy, go back to bed. (done)

Last resort...sleeping pills but i hope i dont have to. ***sigh***.

Some maybe true...some may not.

2010-11-20T23:02:00.003+08:00

Aquarius Woman

January 21 - February 19

Slogan: I know, therefore am.

GENERAL CHARACTERISTICS:

Aquarius is the most unpredictable sign of the zodiac.

Aquarius women are referred to as the “heavenly bohemians,” because they seem to have their own rules and regulations as to their conduct and they completely reject others telling them what to do.

Aquarius is a fixed, airy sign. This means that these are girls are very rational by nature and exceedingly firm in their opinions.

Although an Aquarian woman might disagree completely with what you believe, she will certainly be open-minded enough to support your personal right to to your beliefs.

Do not attempt to impose your ideas or philosophies upon the Aquarius woman as she will powerfully resist any attempt by you to influence, or change in any way, how she goes about leading her life.

Aquarian women hold strong tendencies toward, and tend to become involved with technology and communication. They carry within themselves an important sense of mission and want to be able to get their message out to as many people as possible.

Aquarius is the sign of friend ship, and it is absolutely essential for the Aquarius woman to feel that she and her lover are the best of friends.

This is one sign that makes the effort of remaining good friends with her ex-spouse, ex-business partner or ex-lover and, she cannot understand why other people have such difficulties in doing the same.

This may be easier for the Water Bearer perhaps, as she is not a predominantly an intense sign emotionally. Her passion runs more to compassion and she is definitely neither jealous nor possessive by nature.

The Aquarius woman is a very loyal companion however, she does not have to be so intensely personal in her intimate relationships.

Aquarian women are deeply loving women and can stand by you come what may. Although, love songs may seem silly and romantic sentiment doesn’t seem all that important to her, a glorious sunset or a walk on an empty beach will be the right mix to move her. It may be an elusive kind of love, one you’re never completely sure of, but one of warmth and undying loyalty.

The Awesome Aquarius woman looks for prestige, but not the kind that comes from monetary fame. This beauty holds respect for the intellectually gifted. Discover a vaccine or figure out a way to feed a village on a shoestring, and you will have this gorgeous woman forever enthralled.

An Aquarian woman is very rarely of the jealous breed. Something unimaginably overt would have to happen before she would take action. Beware, though, if this happened to be the case, you may never see or hear from this gracious woman again. Locked out of her life, you may presume the worst, only to find that she may indeed become your friend once more. The operative word here is friend, a loving relationship can never be regained.

Conversation with an Aquarius woman will be anything but dull. Enchanting and socially graceful, topics can range from the most demure to the most politically savvy. She can flit from subject to subject seamlessly. It will take a true scholar to keep up. Keep in mind, if you do, you will be remembered with a wistful sigh.

If you would like to stay with this amazing creature for as long as possible, be careful not to let your jealousy be known. Never show your possessive side or give out criticism lightly. Be sure to value her friends, who may seem quirky to say the least, for she values each and every one of them. Doing all the right things will insure your lucky place beside her, and it’s a place where you future will be sure to hold the most remarkable enchantment.

PS : i cedok this from the internet. I just love myself :)

My Wish

2010-11-18T21:35:00.003+08:00

I wish I could turn back time so that I can undo my mistakes and do the things that I should have done.

I wish for the time to tick slowly so that I can be with my loved ones longer.

I wish for the time to tick faster because i cant wait to be with tomorrow's sunshine.

But that is too much to ask, isn't it?

A very lonely day..

2010-11-18T11:39:00.003+08:00

I am right now sitting at my office, doing some work, trying hard to stay focus. Made endless phone calls but a lot were unaswered. Well ramai lagi yang still bercuti. Just what do i expect. Still next week I do have many appointments to follow up. The shortfall now is still in the region of 400K...and god i am awfully tensed.

Support system pun tengah bercuti jugak. So that makes today unbearably lonely. Adik just called and i am going to meet her later at KLCC. Then we can both start brooding about our challenges.

This would be a short rambling for today. Nin,,,if u are reading this..i must cedok some ideas from u of what to write. As for now...kena pick up balik the phone, dial some numbers and hope by end of the day....some miracle would turn up.

Assalamualaikum...to whoever is reading.

Catching up.

2010-11-17T16:03:00.002+08:00

I had lunch with a dear friend the other day and we talked about this blog by Beautifulnara- a blog where they gossip about artist or latest news about them. There is nothing exciting about this blog but the fact that its being told by a friend who is a he..well that gave me a chuckle.

The conversation somehow reminded me of my own blog which I haven't updated for like a zillion years now. For the past one year, life has been good but not without some tests along the way. But still i am ever grateful to my Maker. Alhamdulilah.

The highlights of the year would have to be my family trip to the UK. It was in March. The end of winter and the coming of spring. I loved every moment I was there, in London, Stratford Upon Avon, Borton on the water and finally the nostalgic Manchester. I went back to Manchester Metropolitan University, had a humongous portion of Pizza Co, visited and stayed at Ucu's place, went for the MU stadium tour and visited my home at 5 Greenhill Road. Sighhhh..wish i cud stayed there longer.

I did achieve my target to Korea and I went to Seoul in May. We had fun and it was a reward well paid for my hard work. I love their culture and kimchi. Had fun watching Nanta show, shopping, visiting the Everland etc. The best part of all is not the place i went to, but the people that i went with. I was with a great company thus every moment was filled with laughter and good memories.

July came..with sad news. I had a meniscus tear and a damaged cartilage on my right knee. I went through operation and physio and had to stay at home for almost 2 months. It was only after Hari Raya that I started working again.

Now is almost the end of November. My this year target is the challenge trip to New Zealand. I try to stay calm and be positive about achieving this goal.But still...everyday feels like i am living in a pressure cooker.

Today is Hari Raya Haji. I cooked Nasi Tomato and the gang...dalca, ayam masak merah and jelatah. Hubby showed a thumbs up sooooo hoorayyyy.

I can't wait for tomorrow to come because i am all gear up to continue achieving my target. Now..there is only me and my goals. Everything else has to come second. Eventhough I wud miss the company of a friend, I just have to really, really stay focus.

NZ..i will be there.

Things happened for a reason.

2009-10-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Ntah camne, bulan ni income aku sikit. Not that I did not submit enough sales but due to fasting month, the EPF staff decided to cut down their productivity by half. So aku puas le berpikir kat mana nak cekau duit to bagi cukup belanja bulan ni. In my prayer, aku doa pada Allah help me to get thru this month without having to trouble my husband. Aku memang berserah sebulat-bulat padaNya. Alhmadulilah, true enough, Allah bagi aku rezeki yg aku tak sangka2. This is how the story goes.

Cerita pertama :

Since my maid is leaving for good next year, I thought of sending my kids to a private school nearby because the school timing is from 8.30 to 4. With that, aku pikir I dont have to worry about them balik from KAFA/school nak transit kat mana. I registered them and paid RM1000. I was happy with my plan. But after the doa above, for the last few days aku cam rasa berat hati pulak nak hantar dia org to that school. I thought of the cost, I thought of the exposure. Ye la kalau dah duduk sekolah penuh dgn anak org kaya, esok lusa mesti dia orang terikut jugak nak itu, nak ini. Also, I do want them to have a normal school life like I had. We discussed the whole thing again and decided not to send. Terus aku rasa lega sgt and terfikir that duit register tu half of it is mine...so now I have RM500. Nak jadik cerita, the cheque of RM 1K yang aku bagi kat sekolah tu pun tak boleh di cashkan sebab it was of an old format. Nak tak nak terpaksa la the officer agree to my cancellation.

Cerita kedua:

I pay monthly insurance premium of RM200. Untuk september punya commission aku dah memang budget ada extra RM 200 to pay for the insurance tapi sampai bulan October , I noticed that they haven't deducted my account. I told my agent but he said that it was already deducted on the 14th of Sept. When I checked back the transactions, laa memang premium tu dah dibayar on the 14th. Padahal sebelum ni 2,3 kali aku tengok transaction in that account, tak nampak pun 14hb tu. That means now I have extra of RM200 in my account.

Alhamdullilah....Thank You Allah.

Friends (part 2)

2009-10-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

Despite the fact this morning, I got pissed off with my friend, the get together was a success. We really had a good time, all 5 of us. Catching up with the latest gossips, talked about the silly things that we did at school, laughed at our teachers favourite phrases etc etc...

When I looked at them, I realized that I had a good circle of friends. Not in the sense of true friendship, be there for one another kind of thing but everyone grew up to become good people. Senang citer semua orang jadik orang la.

Although we promised to contact each other more frequent after this, I doubt that will be the case. But it doesn't matter because at least now we have facebook to keep us updated.

Friends (part 1)

2009-10-02T08:46:00.002+08:00

I am meeting a few friends from schooldays today at the Chinoz KLCC. I initiated the meeting as its been such a long time we haven't met one another. This morning, at 7.30 i got a call from a friend named ..hmmm... ZA. She was so worried about meeting my other friends for a reason I dont know why.

She rattle on about the time, she complain about the place etc etc. She said she might be late and she doesn't like it if she is the last to come, so can we move the time to 1.30 instead of 12.30,why do we have to meet up at KLCC and not somewhere near her working place ( which is somewhere nearby), what will everybody wear, and so on and so forth.

I was getting very annoyed because she woke me up from my sleep just to hear her talk nonsense. I felt like telling her to just shut up and come. What do we have to do..move the world to accommodate her timing? Hallo, the world doesn't revolve around you alone. But me being me... i just listened and said nicely to her...just come, we will wait for u. Some people just don't change. And this girl is one of them who used to bully me at school. Sighhh.

Blissful life

2009-09-16T10:02:00.002+08:00

Today is wednesday and now is 10 am. I just woke up. Heyyyy aku bukan malas bangun pagi okay. I had a date with my Maker yesterday until 3 am.Then baru tidur. At 5 am, woke up for sahur, sambung tidur balik after subuh. Nikmatnya lah hidup..alhamdulilah.

This year, is my first time berpuasa as a UT agent. Memang best sgt. Tak payah nak bangun pagi sebab nak masuk ofis cepat so that boleh baik cepat. And this year aku cuti utk raya 4 ari sebelum raya starts. Huhuuu. Ye la, all these years keje kat bank, aku tak pernah ambik cuti sebelum raya. And I hate it each time nak cuti nak kena arrange org lain to relief my work, if not tak leh cuti.After raya, one full week. But after that kena pulun habis.

It has been almost a year now, and alhamdulilah, life has been good. Still ada ups and downs but is better dari mengadap bosses and deadlines. And ada sikit lagi nak achieve Korea trip..insyaallah. Tapi at the same time still struggle for Dubai trip. Manalah tahu, Allah nak bagi rezeki lebih. I can go to Dubai and tempah jubah banyak-banyak. Belum surrender lagi!.

Lagi 4 hari, kita nak berhari raya. Sedih and sayu that ramadan is leaving. Kalau lah umat Allah ni boleh tengok gudang-gudang pahala (imagine if its money) yg terkumpul sepanjang ramadan, sure semua org nak ramadan for a full year. I pray to Allah that my amalan and doa for this ramadan diterima olehNya.

Aku tak pernah plan nak baju raya sedondon dgn the children tapi sebab Maa, my fren at the office, dah belikan kain for me and the kids so kena la buat jugak. She gave me that as a farewell gift masa aku left the bank dulu. How sweet. Cuma hubby jek yg tak pakai kaler sama. Its brown for him this year while ours are purple/grey. Kuih raya this year, cam tak banyak sebab, takde kat ofis kan. Dulu berlambak sample org tunjuk depan mata, now ni harap my hubby je la order kan kat ofis. But he ended buying only tart nenas and london almond. Man!. So aku carik le jugak kuih raya kat area rumah mak. This year sebab ada byk masa, I plan to bake chocolate cake. Esok la bermula projek itu.

So enough rambling for today. Time for my shower. Selamat hari raya kepada sesiapa yg membaca blog ni..( rasanye cam ko sorang je nin). Assalamualaikum.

Dalam Kenangan

2009-08-17T19:27:00.003+08:00

I never really like Yasmin Ahmad punye movies. No doubt she was creative tetapi ada scenes dalam movie dia yg tak sedap nak tengok. Well eventhough what she wanted to show is kehidupan family dia sebenarnye but tak yah le tunjuk the real thing like berkemban and stuff. Infact bukan movies dia jek yg I disagree with but other movies like Rempit and yang seangkatan dengannya.

For the last few days, since she passed away, Astro has been showing her movies and also some documentaries about her. I finally dpt tengok dari A sampai Z her Sepet and Gubra. Can say, i enjoyed her movies because I suka scripts dia. Of course part -part yg 18sx tu memang tak best le but overall, I enjoy them. Very creative.

Part yang paling touching is the documentary about her life and how much she loved her parents.The parents pun talked about her with so much love. So apa yg I nampak is that this lady, hidup dia penuh dgn kasih sayang. And masa dia meninggal pun, ramainye org dtg visit jenazah dia kat masjid and at the cemetery. Despite the fact masa hidup dia, ramai org yg marah and kutuk dia but she told her mother that takpe la biar ordg kutuk kita...nanti kita yg dpt pahala. She also said that in life for u to be successful, ada 3 perkara penting. Usaha, doa and make ur parents happy.

I guess that sebab dlm hidup dia, dia amat-amat menyanjungi ibu bapa dia so that is why masa dia pergi ramai org yg mengingati and mendoakan dia. And with that i remind myself, sementara ayah and mak masih ada kat dunia ni, I must make them happy and visit them more often. Eventhough kalau gi rumah mak tu, I hardly bercerita with them, but I hope my presence will at least make them smile. I will do the same untuk both my parents in law.

Insyaallah.

Training Today

2009-07-18T15:43:00.002+08:00

I finally went for my Saturday training setelah sekian lama tak pergi. Malas sebenarnye. But today sebab dah kena beli Tshirt Champion so kena le pergi. After all, I have to start treating myself as a leader. And to become a good leader, training is vital.

Today's training is supposed to be good. The topic was about self discovery. The leader incharged today wanted us to list those problems that are holding us back from becoming a good agent, a diamond performer.

As for me simple je, is my own self limitation. I ni selalu ada low self esteem, too humble, tak confident at times. Padahal, I know I am smart, I have knowledge, I can communicate and friendly but still I dont use these to my advantage. Ada je people that I know, cakap English pun memang sakit telinga la dengar tapi close more than I do. Why is that? Sebab dia confident. Ada orang knowledge pun takdele sgt tapi close besar jugak...why? Sebab dia confident.

Maybe, I dont love myself that much. I value myself too low, so that is why all the things that I want tak datang to me. Bila aku doa pada Allah, aku malu nak mintak banyak-banyak kat Dia sebab rasa cam tamak pulak. Padahal Allah dah cakap, mintalah pada Dia apa pun, nescaya akan dikabulkan. When I asked from Him, at the back of my mind, I have this thinking...do I deserve what I asked? I have doubts. I told this to Ani, she said that is why I tak dapat sebab I tak ready nak terima apa yg I mintak. When I visualized my goals and pray to Allah, I must be 100 % ready to receive it. No doubts whatsoever.

Nampak cam simple je masalah ni. Memang simple pun cuma I jek yg tak reti-reti nak change my mindset. From now on I kena belajar untuk mencintai diri sendiri. I kena tahu camne nak tinggikan my own self value. I kena confident that I am beautiful, smart, knowledgeable and that everyone yang I jumpa eager gila nak jadi investor I. Insyaallah.

Why I said the training today supposed to be good? Sebab ada gak manusia yg tak faham instruction. Suruh citer things that are holding you back from becoming a good sales person tapi pegi citer their sad life history. And leader dah ckp short and simple. Meleret2 pulak tu. Ada yg menangis2. Memang tau semua ada challenges and masalah. Tak yah le citer panjang lebar, cakap je la " obstacles yg buat i tak perform sebab masalah family yg berat. I tak leh nak fokus" cukupla. Ini pergi citer masalah dari zaman sekolah sampai dia kahwin la, masalah bercerai dgn husband of 10 years etc.

Cam my group... Zul cuma cakap masalah dia is, he doesn't love the career wholeheartedly, so dia tak vibrate, takde energy. That is why after 3 years dia still cam tu aje.

I bukan tak bersimpati tapi I dont have patience bila org tak faham instruction.

Itu la the objective of the training today. Cuma satu je la yg I dapat from the sharing tadi. Kalau I rasa obstacle I tu susah, ada lagi org yg lagi susah gila dari I. Like Sara.. she always look happy to me. Takde sikit pun riak kat muka dia yg nampak dia ada masalah. Tapi sebenarya problem family dia memang mencabar. Kalau I jadi dia, I dont think i can go through it. All the best to you Sara. And all the best to me too.

My Padang/Bukit Tinggi Trip.

2009-06-27T12:11:00.007+08:00

It was a last minute plan. I was asked by Nity to accompany her to Padang/Bukit Tinggi since her hubby was no able to go. This trip was told to Uji and Ani and they both got excited. As a result all 4 of us went to Bukit Tinggi on 22.06. 09. Boarded the Air Asia craft AK470 at 7.50 am.

22.06.09, Monday

We reached Padang airport one hour later and met by Pak Helmi, the driver. Normally the journey from Padang Airport to Bukit Tinggi takes about 2 hours but since we were here for sightseeing and shopping, along the way we stopped at several places. First stop was the waterfall. Took some pictures and off we go. Then it was a visit to Rumah Gadang. Gadang means big so is a big house with many families leaving toghether. I am amazed at the design and the intricate carving and paintings on the walls, doors and windows. We rented the baju pengantin minang for 25,000 to 35,000 rupiah and took photos.

After that we stopped at a village called Pandai Sikek where we bought women's stuff like telekung, tudung etc. The air was cool just like Cameron Highland. It was a beautiful sight and the air is fresh. I noticed that in Padang/BukitTinggi, the people utilized every bit of the land that they have. They plant daun bawang ( i forgot what is being called in english), cabbage, chilies, corn and even paddy. Each house will have a pond where they breed fishes to sell or for their own consumption. But we did not eat any fish dish because we were told that the villagers will do their washing using the water from the pond. Any food left overs will be thrown for the fist to eat. And the last gross fact is that the loo is built very near to the pond. Yuukssss.

We had a nasi padang for lunch where they put infront of you about 20 dishes. They will charge you only for the dish that you eat. And after that, more shopping before reaching the hotel at about 5 pm.

Campago hotel is a 3 star hotel. It is situated on a hilly area and the scenery is superb. No air cond needed, because it was already so cold..to my standard that is. When we were there, the Indonesion pop group Ungu was there too. There were filming something, a video clip maybe. I dont care much about them but Nity took photo with the lead singer Pasha, and was very proud of it.

I happened to catch a few shows on their TV and 99% were local programmes. Featuring their singers and their songs and none came from Malaysia. But here we are, giving so generously our air time to promote their talents. Not only that, I also could not find any Mars, or snickers or M&M's. Almost all are local products. I don't know why..maybe the people can't afford to buy those imported food or they are just proud of their country.

At night we dined at a place called Istana Mie which sell all types of noodle. I had Mie Bakso. It is a simple noodle soup but yet it's yummy. I even had the same thing the 2nd nite.

23.06.09 - Tuesday

The next day we went to Taman Panorama where we can see Mount Singgalang and valley call Ngarai Sianok. Again, the scenery is breathtakingly superb. There is also a hell-hole to visit, named Lubang Jepang. Is an underground where the Japanese kept their ammunition and as usual, a place to torture the locals. I dislike all kinds of violence so I skip this one visit.

Later it was another round of shopping. Thought I could live with just 850,000 rupiah but that was not the case. I withdrew another million and felt like a millionaire. Huhuuuu. Had lunch, shopped for t shirts and local food.

Next stopped is a coffee plantation. We had local coffee stirred using cinnamon stick. In this village area, the local plant cinnamon tree to extract the cinnamon from its bark and use the tree as firewood. It seems that by using this firewood to cook, it makes the rice more aromatic and delicious. We had Pisang Salai to go with the coffee. Yummy...

Then we went to visit Istana Pagaruyong. Sadly to say after the long winded journey we could only view the skeleton of the Istana. It was burnt down and they are rebuilding it. We stopped to take photos of another Rumah Gadang. Is a long and tiring journey but i enjoyed the scenery along the way. Especially the paddy fields. It was soothing to the eyes to see such greenery.

At night, we went to Istana Mie again for dinner and watched cultural show later. They performed traditional dance, silat, beating of drums, rebana and tabuh. And the highlights of the show is dancing on the broken plates, barefooted. Pak Helmi told us that the dancers would have some chanting before the show and they cannot have any body contact with the opposite sex. Before we leave, the dancers pulled me to dance with them. Not on the broken plates of course but the normal tarian joget. Uji, nity and I had a good time on the stage.

24.06.09 - Wednesday

Our last day, at 9 am we left Bukit Tinggi for the airport. We stopped for a while to buy Kueh Bika, a sort of pancake made with coconut and banana, cooked using firewood. Then we had nasi soto for lunch, out last meal in Indonesia.

We boarded Air Asia flight Ak475 at 2.50 pm feeling tired but happy and satisfied. I am planning to visit Indonesia again..maybe Jakarta or Bandung.

Cash Delivery.

2009-06-19T16:37:00.002+08:00

Today.. Allah balas dosa aku..cash. I did something bad or rather i said something bad about certain people because I am not satisfied with them. And guess what...I had a minor accident. I am okay but i broke my rear/tail light. I bumped into my gate while reversing my car. Hmmmm padan muka aku.

Friday the 12th....

2009-06-12T13:56:00.000+08:00

Today is already the 12 th of the month. I kind of worry that i dont meet my target for this month's sale. Tapi at the same time, perangai malas tu still ada. Have to seriously change this.

There are times when i am getting tired of dealing with human's attitude. Rasa menyampah betul dgn certain people yg banyak cekadak. Invest takdele byk pun. Tapi loghatnye ngalahkan org yg invest 100k.

Tapi nak buat camne. Put on a smile and say to myself " market is abundance...next".

Blog Revisited.. Shah's predicament

2009-06-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

I broke my earlier promise...that is to update regularly. Truth is i forgot what my blog add is until darling nin guided me how to look for it. Felt really silly.

About 3 weeks ago, my brother in law..that is my husband's little brother ( though not in size) had an accident. His name is Shah. It was critical since he had a brain injury. I dont know how to describe it but basically the brain was swolen and they had to do away with part of the skull. Since then he was in ICU and had gone thru so far another two minor operations to drain away some fluid they found in the brain. My husband came back today with another sad news that he is going to go thru another operation for the same reason ...to drain out the fluid.

I am not a doctor but I am quite baffled at all the things that has been happening for the past 3 weeks. There are i think, about 4 different doctors looking after him. It sounds as though Shah is being well taken care of right? but the problem is each doctor gave a different opinion.

One Malay doctor said Shah is really doing well and can be transferred to normal ward, go thru physio and be allowed to go home in 2,3 weeks time. Everyone was estatic at this news.

Then there is another doctor Chinese doctor who, scaned Shah's brain and said he has some fluid in the brain. They operated him to drain out this. I asked the Chinese doctor..he said is quite normal and explained that there will be a tube attached to his head to let the fluid out until its back to normal condition..whatever that means. I did not see the tube so i assumed there are no more fluid.

Then 3 days ago, another Indian doctor ( according to my mum in law) said the same thing about the fluid and Shah had to visit the operation theatre again.

Then today another news about the fluid. And another operation maybe next week.

I dont know what is going on. To a non-medical person like me, if what the Chinese doctor explained about the fluid being normal, i am sure science would have done something to make the process easier. Put a tube or something like that rather than wheeling the poor guy in and out of the Operation room.

Furthermore this was not explained earlier by the Malay doctor who did the first major operation. Surely he would have foresee this and warned us of the after impact.

I really wonder. I am just a normal person using normal, common sense. So..i really, really wonder and very worried. Brain is a very sensitive organ. Imagine 3 times under the scalpel. That is scary. I pray hard to Allah that Shah will recover from this accident ASAP and be his old self again. Aminnnn.

Saturday mood

2009-02-21T12:48:00.000+08:00

Lama betul tak update blog aku ni. Sampai my best friend perli ada sawang kat sini. The truth is life was pretty hectic last year. I was depressed most of the time at work and finally in September I tendered my resignation. Leganye rasa. So now I am a full time agent.

Is a totally different working life but I am comfortable with what I do now. Now exactly happy but yea...okay. New challenges, new friends, new problems. Memang sayang tinggalkan office, tempat carik rezeki for 10 years tapi malas dah nak face office politics yg memang teruk. Is like a disease.

I moved to Mutiara Gombak in Oct 08. So we have settled down here and can say we are all happy. My kids dah settle into their new school. Now dia org dah ada gang nak main basikal with. Every evening that would be a must-do activity besides badminton and football. Jiran wise...pun okay jugak. Now petang-petang on weekend cam ni, hubby n i can duduk melepak kat depan rumah, while drinking tea and makan goreng pisang. What a blissful life.

Sayangnye I cannot paste gambar rumah baru sebab we havent bought any camera after yg last one tu kena curi. Last year too byk sgt benda yg jadik. Dpt maid, maid i lari. Then the next day rumah i masuk pencuri(itu yg kamera hilang tu). So when we moved to this new house, is like a relieve (or relief ???..) to leave all those behind us.

**** Unlike nin, my best fren....writing is not my cup of tea...thus i am gonna pen off now. Promise i will update this blog regularly this year@@@@@@@.